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What a session!

Howard Cooke

Senior Member
No, it didn't involve the capture of any barbel, or any fish for that matter. Nor did it have anything to do with Kelly Brook helping me reorganise my tackle box.

After a very hectic week and weekend, I managed to get a few hours on the bank and arrived at my chosen swim on the Kennet at around 8pm. In went the bent dropper, out came the rod and it's tackle up time and bait cast out at 8.45pm. At around 9.15pm as I was starting to feel those dusk type feelings of anticipation, I heard and saw a white van turn off the main road and drive the short distance to the padlocked gate. My car was on the other side of the gate of course, what with me having a key and everything.

Ten minutes later and four young chaps with their fishing stuff confidently stride past me, offer a quick "caught anything?" and continue past me, setting up just a little downstream. I needed to think this through. I also needed a fresh pair of underpants as I contemplated the many scenarios that could unfold as darkness fell. Fearing the worst I decided to carefully search my tackle bag for something I could use to fend off the would be tackle liberators and to my slight disappointment found only a baiting needle and a small tube of superglue to be the only items that might reasonably offer protection. As I reflected, I realised that my freshly soiled underpants would perhaps offer the best deterrent from an unwelcome visit from my new fishing companions.

As they started fishing and my anxiety grew, I decided it was probably best to get the bailiff out. Obviously I couldn't just ring the chap and have a nice open conversation about the situation and how I feared for my shiny fishing tackle so knowing Hatter enjoys a plop in on the stretch I sent him a quick text, explaining the position and asking if he would get in touch with the bailiff and suggesting he advises the chap to bring friends. I also wanted to add "and new pants" but couldn't quite bring myself to do that. Hatter was straight on the case and I also sent a message to the bailiff. Plus, my fishing buddy Darren Hawen was texting so at least I had good contact with the outside world.

15 mins later and I hear the truck pull up at the gates. I then don't hear anything for a while but notice a man on the opposite bank quietly peering through the reeds and across to the bank I was fishing. I then decided this would be a good time to draw attention to myself by effecting a totally exaggerated coughing fit, putting on my head torch and noisily rummaging about in my bait bag. The it went quiet for another 15 mins.

I was starting to get a few knocks at this point so thought that perhaps a fish might offer a degree of distraction and remind me why I had actually ventured out. I then heard the gates fully open and saw the bright lights of a 4x4 come round the bend. It drove past me and stopped just ahead where the 4 chaps were fishing. There was then a bit of a chat. Not so much of the "hi, how are you? Any luck? Isn't it a lovely evening, apart from that terrible smell that seems to be coming from somewhere nearby". No, it was a conversation based around the legitimacy of fishing.

The 4 chaps, annoyed at having their session cut short, pack up and with heads down start the short walk back to their van. To cheer them up I wanted to say that at least they didn't need to go through all that hassle of stopping at the gate, getting out of the car, unlocking the gate blah.. blah..blah. But I didn't. The bailiff stopped by and said that these four had driven down from Heathrow and had been poaching for a while but it had proved hard to catch them so a bit of a result. The police are waiting for them at the gate too which is nice.

Great I thought, back to the fishing and perhaps some privacy to deal with my underpants and put that baiting needle to some good use. As I fish on and for a brief moment become preoccupied with a bite I didn't hit, I become aware of the continued presence of vehicles and lights and a bit of chat up by the gates. Annoying but also quite reassuring in a way-made me feel a little safer.

It was then that I notice torch lights in the field and at the same time spot a small light in the water opposite me, getting closer to my swim. I do what any normal person would do and shouted "hello, hello is anybody there?" The light gets closer and I see the outline of a person wading through the river. The torch lights in the field then move further away. River man comes more into view, he seems to have a phone in his hand with the torch facility on and I wanted to ask if this was part of some sort of photography project and he was looking for some decent night time river shots. But I didn't. Instead I slid my baiting needle carefully into my pocket and asked him what the hell he was doing. He swam (or tried to) towards me begging me for help and he started to really struggle in the current (note to self: a 3oz lead may work better in this swim). His arms were flailing about and he was taking in water as he came towards my bank. He was still begging for help and I thought he could easily drown. As he approached the bank I reached down and grabbed his arm. In a split second I wasn't sure what was going to happen next. Was he going to pull me in, attack me, mention the odour. I really didn't know.

I dragged him from the river and implored him to stay and not run. He struggled free and legged it across the field. I then ran back towards the gate (I did wonder whether at this point it might be worth putting in a few more bait dropper loads of hemp to build the swim up again but decided against it) and part way round I bumped into a police officer. Apparently 3 of the 4 were in custody and the 4th had done a runner. She asked if she could borrow my head torch as it was brighter than hers (made me proud) and she then gave chase.

Over the next 45 minutes I was there the commotion and the lights continued but the fleeing poacher was not found nor did I get any bites.

So, this is really just my way of reporting another blank on the Kennet. On the plus side, I now know that in the swim I was fishing, it's about 5ft deep in front of me with no major snags.

It's such a lovely, quiet pastime, fishing isn't it.

Thanks to Hatter and Darren for being on hand and also good to see a very swift response from the bailiffs.
 
Hi men,

Although serious , the Bailif was right on the case !,and we'll played Howard for doing the right thing instead of heading off to watch the football :D . 4 less idiots about !.

And although serious , some of your txt make me laugh out loud mate , you should be doing articles / features !.


Hatter
 
Hi men,

As it was unfolding , and the phones were red hot I wished I lived closer so I could have joined in the experience !, and it's always better with more than one of you !, I did feel a bit helpless at over 1 1/2 hours away :eek: . Just shows you that £250 syndicate fees don't guarantee against poachers , but the backup from Mark the bailif once I contacted him was instant and forceful !

Hatter
 
Good to hear that no-one was hurt in anyway, but Howard, maybe you could have coaxed him down the stretch a little, just to search for a few depressions!

And have to agree with Mark, you should be writing articles/features!

Darren
 
Hi men ,

He got "A" head torch back , but quiet what the barbel are going to make of a bloke in a pointy hat, with a blue flashing light in the swim , im not sure :D

Hatter
 
A great post Howard, and a very amusing read....I always look forward to your posts, and you don't disappoint. Astonishingly, so far there have been no negative responses either mate. You must at last have found a subject which hasn't upset a single soul, one where you're ALWAYS well intentioned comments have not brought scorn down upon your head. I guess there has to be a first time for everything :D:D

Good stuff Howard, loved it.

Oh, and before I forget...this may be the way forward :D

Mens Incontinence Products

Cheers, Dave.
 
Too many just turn and face the other way so well done Howard.

Hope they don't read BFW as they now know who you are!

.
 
Quality post Howard,I've just joined the fishery your on about is this a regular thing or is it baillifed regularly.All the best Jamie
 
Very good Howard well done.
 
Nice quiet session there Howard:eek: very well done, couldn't of been easy when faced with that on your own at first, hope the flies weren't too bad later:D:D
 
Nice account Howard. A bit of this used to go on at the bottom of the Dalston beat back when I last fished it three seasons back, never had any run-ins myself thank god. Not sure I'd have had the balls to get the authorities involved, mainly because I used to be there on my own for 24 hrs with no transport. Luckily the only run-ins I did have were with the odd pillock member. Luckily on the whole they were few and far between.
 
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