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That's just pants

H

Howard Cooke

Senior Member
I really want to make next season particularly special and am leaving nothing to chance in the pursuit of a glorious campaign. After carrying out a forensic search of the forum, I feel I have all the advice I need to ensure I acquire all the "right" gear. The value of diamonds has increased significantly over the last few years and so I have sold my wife's engagement ring and swapped it for some dress jewellery of a similar design, to ensure I have enough money put aside for everything I need.

Whilst I am clear on what rod, reel, boots, line, hooks, net, socks, landing net pole, brolly, feeders and bait etc to buy, the only thing I am unsure about is my underpants. I need something genuinely fit for purpose which enable me to be way out in front when on the bank with other anglers. When you meet other fishermen there is generally some furtive glancing at the each others tackle, so my pants do need to stand up to close inspection and give rise to a bit of pant envy.

Fishing is a confidence thing and I worry that having the wrong pants will put me at a disadvantage. For some preliminary advice, I have been sending examples of my existing fishing pant of choice to some prominent anglers and Pippa. The largest package went to Pippa of course who I understand almost passed out when she first saw the contents of my package and is currently shaping her reply.

From a performance perspective, I need my pants to be comfy, very absorbent, warm, but most importantly of all, they need a quick release mechanism for his Lordship. In the colder months, I may be wearing 3 layers over my pants and when it's time to go, sorting through all that material becomes a terrible palaver and sometimes it can be, well, too late. Not saying that has ever happened to me, just saying that's all.

Many thanks.
 
I find these to be indispensable during those hot summer days when you need to lose a few layers but remain camouflaged. And yes that is me modelling them.

rhys-perry-albums-pics-picture4339-a.jpg
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Howard

Have you checked out the Lone Angler website? I can't believe that they've not catered for a man with such, erm special?, needs. Failing that I am willing to flog you my lucky edible barbel thong (unwashed, obviously, since purchase circa 1979) for the price of mint boxed 1922 Aerial. What size are you? ahem summer that is. Hope this helps.

Tony
 
Howard a great post my wife and I really enjoyed, makes a nice change from the heavy political stuff(important though that is)
Regards Andy
 
Howard, I believe a variation of the old 'Pop Star' trick from yesteryear could be your salvation here, an answer to all your problems in one neat (if large) package. Purchase yourself a couple of metres of a suitable diameter hose pipe, then on returning home, strip off and have a fitting session. Place the article you wish to draw attention to into one end of the hose, then bend said hose in a curve downwards, until it touches the top of your thigh...and tape it in position there. Carry on the taping process to just above the knee, then get a close friend to cut off the remaining hose at a point about three inches above ground level. (any longer and there is a risk of mud blockage causing a build up of pressure and a potentially dangerous backfire)

You now have a device which will impart an impressive bulge to any pants you care to wear....AND provide a hands free drainage system to allow maximum undisturbed fishing time, with none of that confounded fumbling with clothing you dread. I would suggest you then dress as normal over the top of the device, and send Pippa a picture of the results...I am sure she will be most impressed.

All I ask in return for disclosing this cunning plan...is a brown paper envelope containing any pictures you may have of Pippa shaping her reply as a result of your previous efforts.

Best regards,

Dave.
 
Many thanks for all the replies and splendid advice chaps. Despite what some may think, BFW members always come up trumps in times of need. However, it all unravelled rather spectactularly when my wife discovered that her engagement ring wasn't quite as sparkly as she remembered. Annoyingly, she discovered this whilst standing near the kitchen knife draw. I now have more tender and urgent underpant matters to attend to and my wife has new earrings.

Howard
 
After spending many a long night on the river bank stuck in my chair chasing a barbel or two
i do not recommend anything in white
 
green.jpg

howard, im sure you will find this comfortable in the summer months........:D
 
Thanks Clive. Looks like a very effective stalking outfit. And potentially good for fishing too. It's a toss up between this and the picture Rhys sent through to be honest. Lets see what Pippa thinks although she is busy of course and I need to be mindful of not coming between her and her cakes.
 
Howard Cooke said:
Many thanks for all the replies and splendid advice chaps. Despite what some may think, BFW members always come up trumps in times of need. However, it all unravelled rather spectactularly when my wife discovered that her engagement ring wasn't quite as sparkly as she remembered. Annoyingly, she discovered this whilst standing near the kitchen knife draw. I now have more tender and urgent underpant matters to attend to and my wife has new earrings.

Howard
Click to expand...

Oh dear Howard, what a wretched shame old chap. I think if I were you I would avoid further upsets at all costs, at least for a while. Otherwise, your dear lady may go for the full set, which of course would include the pendant necklace........:eek:

Cheers, Dave.
 
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