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Awfully sorry, North, but we're having your water

Paul Boote

No Longer a Member
Boris Johnson, former Editor of The Spectator and MP for Henley (on Thames) is paid £250,000 a year by The Telegraph for his weekly column. Here is his latest piece...


Ignore this rain, it's the drought that we need to think about

A network of canals is needed to carry water from the wet North to the dry South, writes Boris Johnson.

By Boris Johnson

The Old Etonian Telegraph, 12 Jun 2011


Man or mouse, I said to myself. Spot of rain never hurt anyone, I said. It's bound to clear up in a minute or two, I said. So I hopped on my bike in the middle of what I thought was a light summer shower, and no, my friends, it did not clear up. It came down like the monsoon. Cars seemed to take a special delight in overtaking me just as we were abreast in a lagoon-like puddle. By the time I got to City Hall my skin was pruned, my teeth were chattering and my suit was shiny with water, and just as I was emptying the contents of one squelching shoe I looked up and saw my friend Caroline Spelman on the office television, and she was telling the world we were in the middle of a drought.

Drought! I said bitterly. You must be joking. How can we tell people that they can't have baths, when they only have to step outside to be soaked to the skin? Then I listened a bit longer, and of course I saw her point. We have just had the driest spring for 20 years, and across the country rainfall has been down about 45 per cent. The crops are miserable and wilted; the brewers and the farmers have been so short of water that the price of food and beer is apparently set to rise even higher – exactly what people don't need in the current economic conditions. We ought to forget this June dampness and concentrate on the drought of the past few months. If the British people are seriously being advised to avoid having baths – with all the damage that may do to our international reputation for hygiene – then we need to look again at water distribution in this country.

The rain it raineth on the just and the unjust, says the Bible, but frankly it raineth a lot more in Scotland and Wales than it doth in England. It has done so throughout the dry spell. Back in May, when England was at its most parched, my executive assistant Ann Sindall went on a two-week walking holiday in Scotland. Batley-born Ann knows all about the English rain – but even she was amazed by the unremitting horizontal fire-hosing she received from the Scottish skies. According to some experts in yesterday's Sunday Telegraph, we have a North-South water divide, which means that Scotland and Wales are positively sodden, while Newmarket seems to be a Sahara.

Since Scotland and Wales are on the whole higher up than England, it is surely time to do the obvious: use the principle of gravity to bring surplus rain from the mountains to irrigate and refresh the breadbasket of the country in the South and East. It is amazing how much hostility this idea provokes from the very water companies who are currently warning of shortages. If you go to the website of their front organisations, you will find the notion of a water grid denounced as "absurd" and "inefficient". But if you talk to the excellent Professor Roger Falconer, of Cardiff University, he will tell you that they are blinkered and wrong. He has been looking at all sorts of proposals for improving our current network of canals so as to integrate them into the water supply. He talks of linking up Welsh mountain reservoirs via the Wye and the Severn with the Thames, or of sending the water from the Severn and the Trent round to East Anglia – for many years the driest part of the country.

I believe we might go even further, and retrieve J F Pownall's magnificent 1942 plan for a Grand Contour Canal, which would follow the 310 ft contour of the hills all the way from the Scottish borders to the South East.

The water companies mount all sorts of objections. They warn that it would be a mistake to mix up water from Wales with water from the Thames, since "the chemical composition of water varies in different parts of the country, and the potential effect on habitat and species would be significant". This sounds pretty much like tripe to me, and I am glad to say that Prof Falconer agrees. The chemical composition of water is H2O, and that is true across Britain. Then they object that any new water grid might involve some pumping, and therefore fossil fuel consumption. That is true; but then the pumping would be nothing like as energy-intensive as the desalination plants that are currently under way.

Above all, I think the water companies forget the extra benefits a network of water-bearing canals would bring. A canal is a beautiful thing, and if we have to expand the current network with some new stretches, then we should not expect the nimby frenzy you get with a new road or a high-speed railway. On the contrary, it adds to the value of your property, surely, to have a little boat tethered at the foot of your gorgeous riparian lawn. The construction of new canals would not only generate much-needed jobs to dig the thing, but further jobs in all the recreational activities that would follow. In some ways we are going through a neo-Victorian age of investment in infrastructure. We have Crossrail, the Tube upgrades, the Thames tideway tunnel, and plans for new high-speed rail.

But in energy generation, in aviation and in water supply we are woefully unimaginative. Think of the Romans: they built an incredible 31 mile aqueduct just to supply the people of Nimes with water for their ornamental fountains (since they already had plenty for bathing and drinking), and they didn't even have mechanical diggers. We have plenty of water in Britain, and the nation of Brunel is surely capable of finding scenic and ingenious ways of getting that water to the right place at the right time. I look at the rain lashing my window as I write, and it seems mad that we are complaining of drought. It is simple mismanagement of supply.

Prof Falconer and other engineering experts will be having a conference later this year, at the Royal Academy of Engineering, to discuss a water grid. Their ideas need careful thought, but I like what I hear.
 
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Legend, indeed. Lovely affable bloke to have a pint with (as am I), for certain, but beneath the apparent buffoonery...........
 
Maybe its being said in jest(?) but I've always wondered why we in the Thames catchment area can't have our water from the Severn system, or another seemingly plentiful source.

Watching the Severn system rivers in full spate just leaves me in awe but then the greedy little shysters at Thames Water wouldn't be happy having to clean out any sediment being carried in flood water, so would reap on the Severn what they do currently on the Thames; bleed it dry in summer!!

Makes more economic sense you see...
 
Okay. Let's redirect the Severn / West / Welsh / Northern waters (low ph, often turbid etc and therefore bad for big Trite) through the Wessex chalkstreams to the needy South, then see Boris's "idea" disappear in a puff of vested interest, Mega-Money Smoke.

As they say in "The Business" - "Boo!"
 
In the North East we have the largest reservoir in the UK, Kielder, which was built to supply water to a now virtually non existant industrial base. Water is pumped down from their to the Tees area so it can be done it just requires the political will to drive a national grid for the water.
It is absolute rubbish that the water companies cannot do it, this country is criss crossed by many pipelines carrying gas and petroleum products from one end to the other.
Anyway if we pumped water south it might prevent the potential migration of Suffern jessie's up t' north in search water and nicking our fishing to boot ( not you Paul :p )
 
That's not a bad idea: Northern fishing gets ruined, what remains of Southern fishing also goes down the plug, but everyone is able to have a shower / water the croquet lawns of Surrey...
 
Hi men ,

Bit worried . You see , if it was reversed , and we were sending our water back up to those northen monkeys , I may ( hypothetically) have a little wee in it :eek::D:D:D:D, just a thought :rolleyes:.

Hatter
 
They'd stop our North-bound water at the Water Gap, Mark - have you thought of how many times it's wee-ed in...?
 
Maybe its being said in jest(?) but I've always wondered why we in the Thames catchment area can't have our water from the Severn system, or another seemingly plentiful source.
So, destroy our already over presurised system rather than fixing your own pipes....great idea.
:mad:
The major conurbation in the West Midlands built an entire gravity fed water system from dams in mid Wales to the very centre of Birmingham. They did this before allowing the expansion of Birmingham and paid for by the industrialists, not the ordinary working people.

Maybe Londerners should get the banks and insurance companies that have expanded to become the mainstays of the economy with so much success in recent years to do the same. Or tax them to the hilt so that they all leave the country.

Or just stop building golf courses, supermarket car parks and housing in places with a water problem.
 
Here here!

This idea coming from the government that tells us if we want jobs we'll have to relocate to the south east! Ha! Well if you want a bath you'll have to relocate north west! :p
 
So, destroy our already over presurised system rather than fixing your own pipes....great idea.
:mad:
The major conurbation in the West Midlands built an entire gravity fed water system from dams in mid Wales to the very centre of Birmingham. They did this before allowing the expansion of Birmingham and paid for by the industrialists, not the ordinary working people.

Maybe Londerners should get the banks and insurance companies that have expanded to become the mainstays of the economy with so much success in recent years to do the same. Or tax them to the hilt so that they all leave the country.

Or just stop building golf courses, supermarket car parks and housing in places with a water problem.

Pete, when did I become a share holder of Thames Water Utilities Limited?

With the greatest respect, you really need to learn how too read a whole post and perhaps then you wouldn't make such an ass of yourself when commenting on snippets, taken completely out of context. The quote from my previous post you used, is better understood regards my sentiments if read with this highlighted passage (or just read it all slowly):

Maybe its being said in jest(?) but I've always wondered why we in the Thames catchment area can't have our water from the Severn system, or another seemingly plentiful source.

Watching the Severn system rivers in full spate just leaves me in awe but then the greedy little shysters at Thames Water wouldn't be happy having to clean out any sediment being carried in flood water, so would reap on the Severn what they do currently on the Thames; bleed it dry in summer!!

Makes more economic sense you see...

(If my message still eludes you, feel free to say and I'll endeavour to explain it)

"Maybe Londerners"; well Worcester is closer to me than London and when did I start giving planning consent for anything?

Instead of feeble attempts at looking clever, just accept 'our' (us cockney types) problems, are 'your' (you bumpkin sorts) problems.
As in case its escaped you, the MP's that let this isle get so over populated come from all over the country.
 
Or take it from the other end of the Thames system - i.e. the sea! You have to ask how a poxy little island surrounded by water can have a shortage of the stuff!

They'll probably decide the best solution is to move the Scottish and Welsh mountain ranges to the south east! Costly - but we have to do something, the chelsea tractors are starting to look a bit dirty!
 
Cross country transfer of river water could be disastrous for the receiving rivers. The water chemistry of the Severn is very different to that of the Thames founded as it is on the rocks that make up the geology of the catchments. The varying aquatic ecosystems that exist in the different rivers reflect these chemical differences. For Boris to say that is just H20 is fairly typical of his myopic eye for detail and smacks of the Victorian 'conquer nature' attitude so beloved by his ilk. As for stepping up the use of groundwater, aren't the river levels low enough as it is?

I reckon water conservation measures and carefull planning of what land uses can be located in particular watersheds are the best ways forward.

Good luck on the 16th.

Cheers,

Simon
 
Cross country transfer of river water could be disastrous for the receiving rivers. The water chemistry of the Severn is very different to that of the Thames founded as it is on the rocks that make up the geology of the catchments. The varying aquatic ecosystems that exist in the different rivers reflect these chemical differences. For Boris to say that is just H20 is fairly typical of his myopic eye for detail and smacks of the Victorian 'conquer nature' attitude so beloved by his ilk. As for stepping up the use of groundwater, aren't the river levels low enough as it is?

I reckon water conservation measures and carefull planning of what land uses can be located in particular watersheds are the best ways forward.

Good luck on the 16th.

Cheers,

Simon

Well said that man. Even the sudden shock of different water temperatures can be catastrophic for fish if the difference is large enough. I think the fact that Borris both looks and sounds like one of the Muppets is more than just coincidental :p

Cheers, Dave.
 
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