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Fishing Stories

Derek Funcks

Derek Funcks

Senior Member & Supporter
Following on from Howards recent post, has anyone else got any amusing or otherwise fishing stories ? I think ive told this one before a while ago, but for anyone who missed it, here goes :)

Once upon a time :D

Many moons ago, a mate and i went night fishing at Sefton Park lake in Liverpool. It had been a real summers day, high in the 20,s i think, and as such, being young and naive, we went without the appropriate warm clothing. We arrived at the lake before darkness fell, tackled up, and got set for a good nights tench fishing, tench upto 7 maybe 8lb. By midnight, we,d had a couple of fish each, but none of the biggies. The mist was by now, rolling over the lake, and being a cloudless night, the temp had dropped quite a bit. By 2 a.m. we were freezing our b******s off. In my little cantilever tackle box, i had a Ralgex rub on stick, when i had a Eurika moment, just behind us in the rocks was a cave. In i went, stripped off to the birthday suit, and covered myself from head to toe in this potent orange rub, and i do mean everywhere. WOW!!!! instant warmth, fantastic, or so i thought. Within 10 minutes, my skin felt like it was starting to bubble with the heat, 2 minutes later i was almost in tears, my knackers were on fire, only one thing for it, my cycle bottle full of orange juice was quickly dispatched, but to no avail, one more option, back down to the birthday suit and into the lake, the steam looked like a boiling kettle, but what relief. The mate was just creased up on the bank, couldn,t believe what i was doing, then realised i had fecked his swim.

Moral of the story, IF YOU GO NIGHT FISHING, TAKE WARM CLOTHING NO MATTER WHAT. :D:)
 
In the 80s our early forays into night fishing were a belt-and-braces affair. You never took enough clothes, you tried to sleep under the stars on a sunlounger and you never caught anything. In fact you never slept, just scared each other with daft stories of murderers and ghosts.
 
Hi men,

Little one from us .

We were married in February 1976 , but had our honeymoon in the main summer , very hot long summer it was too . But over the years we tried to get out on the real day in February , which always almost always coinsided with floods or frosts of biblical proportions :eek: . We made best of it , but for Sues fav species , barbel, it made for tough fishing . One year our parents took control of the kids so we could have a weekend away , surely we could nab a barbel over two days , and we headed south for the Stour/Avon where we had honeymooned years before . On the Saturday we struggled on a rapidly flooding Stour , with the forecast of severe overnight frosts we we gave up on the night in a local pub and headed home :(. The next day we planed a visit to Sues all time fav river , the Windrush , we woke to a fierce frost with a biting northerly wind , and a surprisingly low clear river , it was dire . Our clothes from the day before we still soaking and my gloves and boom 80 boot liners had frozen solid , so I did the old trick of laying them on the engine to dry off :D .

The day went slowly , and cold , with me huddled behind a brolly , but Sue toughed it out ;). Then , totally amazingly she called out !, had had a short but spectacular fight in her normal "tight" swim before landing her beloved Windrush anniversary barbel . This was to much of a fish to miss , but when I tried using the camera it was cold and lacking in battery power !. No problem as it rested in the net I flew ,at to be honest , well over the speed limit to the local paper shop to get some Duracell to save the day . I screeched to a halt jumping from the moving car , bursting through the door !. I apologised to all the locals for pushing to the front , but as I was paying a dog walker said " your cars smoking !" , I agreed as it had just been rallied for a couple of miles :D , no he said , " it's really poring with smoke !" . Bloody hell , up with the bonnet , and I beat the smouldering patch that once was a pair of thermal gloves , and boom80 liners :eek: . It took me a while , resorting to a bottle of water from the fridge :D , but the smell lived with us for a fair while :rolleyes: , but the photo was taken , the barbel never knew of the drama , and the smile on that frozen girls face was priceless :)


I'd like to say that was not typical of the Hatters on tour , but I'd be lying ;) , here is more madness
http://hatterbarbeldiaryofanaverageangler.blogspot.co.uk/


Hatter
 
Has anyone tried to have a dump on top of a wasp's nest? The Beggers let you get half way through it, before they let you know that they are not having it:eek::eek::eek:.

Stephen
 
Like Stephen, i too needed to take a dump. While we were fishing/camping next to Bala Lake. I headed for some long grass, as the grass was wet, i stood on a large rock to stop the grass tickling the gonads. No sooner had i started, i heard toot toot, a miniature train appeared from nowhere :eek:, and must have been no more than 20ft behind me, i just kept my head down as you do in these situations, you can imagine the topic for discussion in the pub that evening. Strange new 3ft animal lurking round the lake, an eyeless head planted on top of 2 legs, with poo spouting from a vertical mouth. ;):D
 
another sh it story

fished on loch ken for the kasi was the back wheel of this large forestry jcb type thing ,anyway one morning im trousers down on one corner and one of the other lads is on the other corner ,both get rid of the mother load gets up fastens my suit up ,he fastens his suit up pulls his hood over ,yes hed sh it in his hood ,no one went near him all day:eek:
 
Some years ago I introduced a friend to my favourite stretch of the Kennet. It was a beautiful, hot summer day and we were walking the bank and I was pointing out the good swims.

We both quaffed a quantity of Merrydown cider, a favourite tipple of mine at the time, and were in a pleasant frame of mind.

We came to one particular swim, which had bankside cover and held a shoal of large chub. I told my friend to be careful not to spook the fish. I leaned forward rather too far and fell into the river, which fortunately was only three foot deep and quite refreshing. My friend collapsed in a heap on the bank and of course I had disturbed the chub.

A colleague at work drew a fine cartoon of the incident, which he captioned:

"The unspeakable after the inedible having consumed the inevitable"

Such fun!!


Hugo




 
Derek Funcks said:
Like Stephen, i too needed to take a dump. While we were fishing/camping next to Bala Lake. I headed for some long grass, as the grass was wet, i stood on a large rock to stop the grass tickling the gonads. No sooner had i started, i heard toot toot, a miniature train appeared from nowhere :eek:, and must have been no more than 20ft behind me, i just kept my head down as you do in these situations, you can imagine the topic for discussion in the pub that evening. Strange new 3ft animal lurking round the lake, an eyeless head planted on top of 2 legs, with poo spouting from a vertical mouth. ;):D
Click to expand...

Derek , can you imagine those poor people on the train peering out across Bala lake ,and seeing you letting rip . Lucky for you and them no ralgex involved
 
I remember many years ago, turning up at a lovely smallish carp lake near to me. The scene was idyllic; the sun was shining and the lake flat as a mill pond. The only downside was the large number of anglers around the lake.

My friend and I wandered around the lake with our big blue Shakespear seat boxes and pint pots of maggots, attracting some smirks and sneers from the carp boys who were sat behind their buzzers or glued to their pedigree chum floaters.

We eventually found a couple of swims next to each other and started to set up. The lake was still beautifully calm and I hurriedly set up my dad's 13 foot match rod that doubled as a carp rod at the time! I could still sense the watching eyes of the other anglers and could almost hear them thinking 'Numpties'...

Just as I was about plop my 'carp rig' into my swim I heard a heard a huge 'kashplooosh' from the swim next to me. My friend had been stood on the edge of his landing stage trying to push his extending bank stick into the lake when the bracket gave way and he went head first into the drink.

The sight of the enormous waves drifting out across the lake towards all the other swims still makes me chuckle today.
 
:D:D:D:D Andy if you knew how many carp guys have done the same thing you would be amazed:D:D fun aint it lol, these sort of fishing stories never fail to be amusing:) come on guys lets hear your amusing stories and happenings:)
 
Ian Hugo Arnott said:
Some years ago I introduced a friend to my favourite stretch of the Kennet. It was a beautiful, hot summer day and we were walking the bank and I was pointing out the good swims.

We both quaffed a quantity of Merrydown cider, a favourite tipple of mine at the time, and were in a pleasant frame of mind.

We came to one particular swim, which had bankside cover and held a shoal of large chub. I told my friend to be careful not to spook the fish. I leaned forward rather too far and fell into the river, which fortunately was only three foot deep and quite refreshing. My friend collapsed in a heap on the bank and of course I had disturbed the chub.

A colleague at work drew a fine cartoon of the incident, which he captioned:

"The unspeakable after the inedible having consumed the inevitable"

Such fun!!


Hugo
Click to expand...

Any chance of a photo of that Hugo.

Stephen
 
Was fishing on the Bristol Avon at night many years ago just sat watching my rod top waiting for that barbel bite, All was quite just the odd owl in the distance when i heard a noise in the distance like something was coming up the river making lots of splashing noises, so i am sat there thinking what the hell is that as it gets ever closer getting loader and loader I’m starting to panic a little when out of the darkness a guy led flat on a surf board in a wet suit comes by, well i could not believe my eyes as he paddled past me then 20 mins later back he comes at which stage i told him he must be mad.
Very funny at the time.
Andy
 
a long long time ago!

Going back just over thirty years ago five of us used to go on the ribble every sunday from January uptil march,this particular time we were on the old winnery lane stretch fishing for chub which used to shoal up in that area in the winter .Well we started fishing a few were catching and one particular lad was getting a fish nearly every put through{the good old days before predators} but was losing quite a few to this snag what was floating around in front of him in this bit of a back eddy,it looked like an old bin liner with a scruffy old coat on it,so nick trys pushing it out into the flow to get rid of it next thing theres a popping sound and the almighty scream followed by this horrific vilest stench,nick was there covered in bile ,rotting flesh etc hed popped a dead sheep that must of been in the river for ages all swollen up and rotten.He had to strip and wash in darren mouth the rest of us nearly ****ed ourselves!
 
Not fishing related but Derek's story reminded me of this incident. Many years ago I had a terrible bout of the trots, which after many visits to the toilet led to me having an incredibly hot and eye wateringly sore ring piece. In search of some relief, I decided some Scholl foot spray, so soothing and cooling on the feet, would be just the ticket. After the initial cooling period of a nanosecond, the pain became intense as my sphincter swelled like Henry Cooper's eye. After several minutes of howling, hopping, wiping, dousing and blowing, I finally managed to get the pain under control. Once composed, I decided to share my findings with my younger sister, and emptied the remainder of the can on her previously untroubled ring piece. Needless to say, the results were both predictable and quite spectacular. Although I found it funny at the time, my older brother made me pay by telling our school (yes the entire school just about) that I had been spraying hairspray up my sisters backside as some kind of weird sexual thing. I was known as Sunsilk on the school bus for some months. I have to say though, she was worth it !

Nick C
 
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
this is the Nick earlier bfw members know and love and looked forward to his stories so much,
Nick :) great to see your old humour bursting out again mate:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
 
Many years ago a friend I were planning a pre-baiting campaign on a local club farm pond, we decided that to do the job properly we would need to use a boat, which my friend said he had. We turned up to the lake and my 'mate' produces a childs rubber dinghy, to say it was a bit on the small side was an understatement! Anyway, in true pioneering spirit I said I'd give it a go, we blew up the dinghy and, with boilies in hand, original tutti-fruitis if I remember rightly, I step into the dinghy, which promptly capsizes depositing me into the pond. To this day my 'mate' tells me that the funniest thing he has seen was my head emerging from the water covered in weed whilst I triumphantly held the bag of boilies out of the water! We then agreed that we could pre-bait by catapault.

To cap it all, when the season began, we arrived at the lake to find the area we had pre-baited bone dry as the farmer had decided he needed to water the fields!
 
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